When I was a child, I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, a high functioning form of autism and Bipolar disorder. On this page, I blog about living with this diagnosis. On this page, I will post about how I see the world.
You see, people who have high functioning autism are extremely focused on a single field of study, for example, Einstein with his physics or Mozart with his music. Those living with Asperger’s have trouble understanding faces and body language. I will also be posting about struggles and strengths in life and business, that goes along with the diagnosis of Asperger’s.
Bipolar is a condition were your mood cycles between massive highs and lows and lows called mania and depression. When you are depressed, it is more than sadness. It is the complete feeling of utter worthlessness and grief like disrepair. Mania is euphoric bliss were you loss touch with the world and what the varied reality that ties you down to earth.
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FACES: Life with Asperger's and Bipolar Disorder
For any young man talking to girls is hard. We just do not understand everything that goes on in their head. For me, I find my self confused when I look at the action that most people take talking to girls. I want to get into a relationship however the lack of social cues leads to severe anxiety about accidentally hurting someone. I want to find a single girl to be in a relationship with. I find that it is hard enough to make friends start with. I have met many a girl that I would gladly pour my art for however, I do not have the social skill to have a non-business relationship. Most of my friends alone started a business relationship.
Having Asperger’s makes many things easier however makes many things harder. It is easy to have the drive and to working something no one else is building. It relay helps in building new ideas. On the other hand, it is next to impossible to understand how to make basic friendships. It can an immense challenge to organize my everyday living and to fit into regular social groups. It is easy to talk to people when working on a problem that needs solving or idea that needs bleeding. You feel socially isolated and want meaningful friendships.
Like other innovation through history. The railroads connected us and controlled the exchange of product services. The railroad makes the last major connection of the image. They can bring what an individual of business creates and send it to another entity. What is different about the internet is for the first time it is not the major connection of one image to another, the internet image and the other. Internet company's control the image its self. This has all sorts of implications. Your image is how you are and should be the curator of your image and of you, not the mindless cog in wheal siphoning your identity.
There is a girl that I know that I think is checking me out when I see her. This does not bother me however when I try to talk to here she just looks at me and does not say anything. I can ask here to talk to means she chooses not to. That is her choice and I can replace that. I am confused as for why she keeps checking me out. I am trying to understand why she looks at me the say she does. I think she wants something to change however I do not know what. Is he does why does she keep checking me out? All I want is to have an open convention with me.
I got heat form someone in my personal life for the post of sexual understanding. At that point, I spent some time thinking about how I wanted to go forwarded with that autism thing. For this, I have not posted lately. I see in my website analytics that the posts of autism are still the most popular. This is cool as we need to have a conversation on it. I will be posting to the blogs every day.
I try to talk to people at the arts campus I am at, and many of them will not even answer to me saying hi. I just want to be a friend. I admit I am not sure how to start a conversation with them. I can start a convention with Professional artist and CEO’s I can start a business conversation. I can talk about anything when there is a logical purpose. Ideas in the abstract I can handle If is next to impossible for me to carry a convention that is about what people my age want to talk about for fun at a community college. It is not that it is beneath me; it is that it is harder for me to navigate small talk then it is to distance a Ph.D. thesis.
At 2:00 PM I am acting as neurotypical l as I get. I can think linearly I can stay awake and not have exaggerated mood swings. I am still socially quirky however it is only in the realm of commutation differences I am in the moment and I am dominantly in the psychological world of Logic and observation.
At this point, whether I wake up then or much earlier, the sedated experience is wearing off. I can start to really creatively and rationally is a somewhat optimal way. I can wake up at that time and be happy. I can think in a coherent way without vast amounts of effort.
If I wake up before 11:00 am I am sedated When I am up an 8:00 I am Tully exhausted. Think of true sleep exhaustion; that is what I experience. It not that my body is tired. After all, I have just wake up. It that that for the whole morning up until close to noon my mind it fighting a disposition that makes it think I need sleep. This aggravating exhaustion does not happen to I have sleep. It makes is nest to impossible to function. It is worse before 8:00 am and goes away by noon. It gets to the point that I can act drunk on the sedative effect I feel.
I have tried talking to people and had them get angry at something the feel I said. In reality, I almost always am trying to say something else. My ideas have many barriers to come out in a say that most people can understand and react to in a way that addresses what I am trying to communicate. The first is that my ideas are a complex web of what seems to most people as disconcerted points. They are only relateable through … read more
After a week of reflection and talking to people, I trust about how the social context of the situation I wrote. I have been assured that I did not do anything wrong. Moreover, that as soon as she ended consent is stopped. I will not go a further in the specifics I want to talk about broader issues. As a feminist, I feel very strongly that we need to give a voice to all people and that we all need to feel safe. This only happened though conversion. As someone how has the sexual experience and undertaking of someone much younger than me, it is challenging to navigate a world of people my age that have much more knowledge in the area. We need to take a look at how to be host about how we feel with another whether it is romantic or in any other part of life. Lots of people struggle with mix messages. As someone with ASD, I am still learning much of what is common knowledge to people my age.
ASD is a cure on being accepted in everyday life. It is also the bedrock of building change. Challenging these norms is needed in a world where the norms are unstainable greed and bigotry. Basing work in social change is not synonymous with anarchy. In my post-classical conservative feminism, it talks about this. Bing unable to fit in and having as single-minded pursuit of one specific discipline, leads to innovation. The free-speaking mind of someone does not fit in often leads to persecution of one's endeavors.
I saw a lady at the grocery store as a question to a customer he clearly was not comfortable answering. The women like virtually everyone on the planet wanted to make the world a better place.
Here is what came to mind. Curiosity is not a crime if anything is in too short a supply. Innocence is not a crime either, just the denial of it of it is unjust. The one who is ridiculed even by kindness is charged with the duty to teach the common folk what questions to ask. Even is the artist is exposed.
A good story has good and evil in it. We as creatives build narratives that help people learn about themselves. We are all flawed and trying to fix those flaws is what gives life meaning. We can not always act on the parts of us that we need to explore for growth. Internal chose and insecurity is where we might turn to look at a piece of art for help. It gives up a safe place to look at those parts of our selves. As storytellers, we need to look at we try to understand our selves. We need to look at the hard questions and try to work through them with our creative processes. This act of selfless sharing is how others feel permission to share their growth with themselves and others.
I want to understand how to talk to people. I say and do things based on data I am given. I think of one set of input as a logical need for output. One thing happens to me, and that means I do this. That is how I understand basic human interaction. I can empathize and conjecture, however only on an abstract level. In any given action someone does I can only think of as this means that.
The problem is when I confuse inputs when I think someone is doing or saying one thing and they are doing another. The was a girl how said one thing to me then she seemed to say the exact opposite. I went with what I thought she was saying louder. I thought she was trying to flirt with me. I thought she was trying to get close to me. She was physically rubbing up on me and pushing on me. That is how it seemed. I do not believe in graphic sexual descriptions online. The point is that as far as I was aware we were reciprocating each other’s actions. I fear that I was….read more
I want to learn what people see in me. I know myself as someone I understand better then I understand anything. I feel like I do not understand why people think of me. I am committing to understanding that. Please DM or email me with what you honestly think. Do not just tell me what I want to hear. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
People often confuse eccentricity for innocence. When I have a moment of quirkiness, and people hear I am autistic, they see me as someone how has yet to understand the burdens and pleasure of life. Many of these people have an average set of life experiences. The truth is that I see the world through the lens of humanities dance of decadence in a world of dangerous natural forces. I short am how the average citizen of my country is fundamentally innocent when it comes to the crises of human perception. Global cooperation will take acceptance of our impact on each other and the world. Peace will only happen when we stop projecting our innocence on what we do not understand.
I find it hard to do things in stages. Once I start something, I like to finish it. It is part of perseverating a fixating on any given task and transitioning holds for waking and sleeping. I find it hard to transition into sleeping and equally as hard to wake back up.
For this reason, I write all my blog posts for the day the night before. I can faces on them all at once, and I do not need to worry about waking up. To wake up an 8:00 to write a blog post does not work for me I tried it over Saturday and Sunday.
I find it hard to fit in. I was always bullied as a kid for being different. It can be hard to see everyone else grow up to be safe in the group of people that are easily accepted as cool or easy to talk to get more close together. It does not make life easier to have many high-level abstract ideas. It can be hard to half to translate what keeps your mind engaged into a whole other langue for most people to underhand. It is not easy being on the outside of sociality. The idea that people how to want to build a world where we can be underused help all people understand each other is not one I wrapped my head around unlit I became an adult. Building Community Is the lesson that made me an artist.
What are you feeling about money and were it takes you?
I often fail to meet the social norm even when I logically should. Being an eccentric for the sake of being one leads to the shunning of the people you want to influence and being a social award is not an efficient use of communicating to most people. However being social conventional will only ever get you conventional results. To be socially awarded in the right way can be synonymous with being innovatively positioned. Saying or doing something that is not socially done can be the key to success in entrepreneurship and art. The line should not be drawn where people are people stop doing what is expected, and should is placed to stop are where people get hurt. As long as you stay moral and work to make each gesture and act of good then social quirkiness is just another piece of intellectual diversity.
I live with the Bipolar Disorder and I have been Psychotic is the past. I have been healthy for years however they want to be more creative is always there. When I become unhealthy, the first thing that happens is I become more creative; then I have more ideas, and I can think faster. I start of notice pattern that is less obvious. Being, for lack of a better word smarter, sounds amazing and is a very tempting trap. The problem is I start to see patterns that are not there. I think so fast that my mind starts to bark down. I start to lose the sense of what is a creative idea and what is a simple fact. I start to confuse imagination with observation. I start to lose a sense of what is in my head and what is in the outside world. The archetypal idea of a siren is how creativity at it extreme in my case leads to madness.
I have not had this problem of years this time of self-reflection has given me a unique perspective on creativity and perception.
If you are ar in my class at school no that there is smoothing, I have meant to tell you all for a long time. It is hard to say it. I wish that one of the many girls I have talked to could see what is going on in my head. I can talk to you about the many original ideas in my head. However, no one seems to be able to follow. It fell isolating. I can talk to you about having High Functioning Autism however then People talk to me like I am 5 years old. If I need to be patient with most people and wait for them to teach up then seeing them assume the need to slow down for me is jading. I see all the time in my personal life people assuming I am an idiot and to a certain extent proving that I do not work. It can come through subconsciously in how I talk to you at school. I am sorry if it makes me look like a no it all. I am quirky, and there is no way around that. I see you hear the world Asperger’s and be nervous about an outburst. I assure you I will not have a tantrum on you if you call me out on something. If anything I ask you to call me out. How can we move forward as a society without open and hard conversations? Never go easy on me. If you are lucky…read more
There are valuable lesson that visionary and thought leaders never learn holy, the lesson of fitting into a group of secure social innocence. Many people look to someone else to construct a safe place to fit in and be what they are told to be. The truth is being outside the pack and looks in on it as an outsider, as a visionary, as an individual that has to change the Stacy quo, you never really fit in with anyone other than outer visionaries. This is not to say that anyone is better than anyone else of that everyone should try to be visionary. Your place in society is up to you and is beautiful regardless of where you are in relation to the pack. It is not easy to have ideas that are not communicable to many and that have jaded you in silence. The wait of conjectures is why optimism should never be confused with innocence.
I find myself not sure when girls are filleting with me. Asperger’s would not be so bad if I listen to my rational mind and only talked to girls that can appreciate High-level atypical ideas. As a kid, I was bullied into suicidal depression. From a young age, one of my deepest desires was to escape the suffering of living outside society. I wanted to be neurotically. Wanting to fit in of cores makes no rational scene and it sure as hell won't help the world. I have gotten over it with regards to contact and friends. I am not over the want to escape the persecution for being
We can agree that the in no factual ground to psychosis. However, for thousands of years cultures have used it to find spiritual clarity. While I am not arguing for hallucinogenics, some people will undergo psychosis no matter we do to stay healthy. Not everyone can escape it. Psychosis is a venture into the chaotic world of unconscious natives. It does not follow the language of logic. Psychosis set fictional narratives that come from our personal identity and growth. It is what the mind does when it is so far gone that I can not make sense of the world coherently and I would never recommend inducing it, however if you have had psychosis look into the parallels of dreams.
I live with some basic supports. I can do high-level abstract thinking fine. I can Relate to elite academics socially. I can network and collaborate with corporate, political and industry leaders exceptionally. I have a way higher level of creativity than most people; that creatively comes with real costs. I need to take medication to keep the creativity from turning into psychosis. On an everyday level, I struggle to organize my thoughts and me home. I forget my things everywhere. I space out and do not trust my self-driving. Cleaning my apartment is very challenging as in involves talking my defeat of digitized ideas an organizing them. I struggle with organizing things that are not photography based. For these reasons and more I live with social support. The workers of often misinterpret their role as needing to help me understand stuff. That is not the issue if anything the source of my weirdness of that I underrated more than most. One thing I do understanding is regardless of the attitudes of certain font line workers. I need the support. I wish many people across disciplines, and social stances understood what I needed.
Life with Asperger's is the epitome of the insider-outsider personality talked about in Zero to One by Peter Thiel. I am in the inside of the local arts and business community however I am also a social reject. On new years, I was in the green room and on the guest list. Later this week I worker made a huge deal in the grocery store about my privacy that just ended up making the people around us think that I was slow. I went to organize the touring pint show with a library. An old classmate of mine told me “how is it going big guy” Implicitly saying that he needed to go any on me. On the other hand, I have local businesses reaching out to me to partner with me. I live a double life every day. One minute I am talking to someone about something that most people wish they could achieve or conceptualize. The next minute I am being talked to in a way that would help someone who mentality struggles would understand.
The reason I work with artists is that we are cool or that we have fans. It is not to look cool at a party. The mind oaf a professional artist and I have worked with many artists, is a mind that needs to get ideas out all the time to be sane. We Create a tone of great content, to help others see what humans go through, and to help prosses what we are going through internally. Living with the need to create to stay sane is something most fans do not get. I say this from personal experience and for what successful artists have told me. I try to talk to people in the crowd, and I am lost for what to say. I could tell them in the image of the blog post, however there on the floor; I am lost.
People round around the musicians and compete for a meet and greet. If you could say one thing to someone how made you feel not alone in a song what would it be? Why does it mean so much to you? We all have our answer, and that is crucial and wonderful.
We connect to the art in a way that we connect to a close friend even when we feel alone. As an artist, I can talk to someone through my art in a way that I cannot ever do with a close friend. I fell alone, and I would love more close friends. The people that communicate like me, other artists, tend to be stigmatized as someone how cannot be venerable, how cannot be and must be a perfect sex symbol. All anyone at a concert wants to do is be themselves.
The reason I work with artists is I can be myself and share my experiences with them.
These posts will not be in the order of time in the evening but in order of how much they mean to me at the moment. I was at the Mavericks concert when I tried to talk to some girls. They told me they were going to the washroom and when they came out stated to avoid me. Have no space at all I move on and found someone I could talk to at the concert. She and I had a great talk. I could be honest with her. I found out later the night that she had a boyfriend and that I had completely miss read — five stars for the Aspergers. Then here was the real kicker. I can deal with a girl having a miscommunication with me however when I try to talk to a group of people, and they tell me I can hang with them I think that means I am good. Then when they start to