These posts will not be in the order of time in the evening but in order of how much they mean to me at the moment. I was at the Mavericks concert when I tried to talk to some girls. They told me they were going to the washroom and when they came out started to avoid me. Having no space at all I moved on and found someone I could talk to at the concert. She and I had a great talk. I could be honest with her. I found out later the night that she had a boyfriend and that I had completely misread — five stars for the Asperger’s.
Then here was the real kicker. I can deal with a girl having a miscommunication with me, however when I try to talk to a group of people, and they tell me I can hang with them I think that means I am good. Then when they started to run and yell, “leave us alone,” out of nowhere, I was very hurt.
When I was in grade school, all I wanted was a friend. I would try to talk to kids on the playground, and they would look at me weird and ignore me. When I tried to talk to them, they would complain to the teacher that I was stalking them. I was so upset by the social Isolation as a kid that I tried to kill myself on average every two weeks for years. Back at the party last night I was reminded that the burden of not being able to express I want you to be my friend, will never go away. I need to find other artists that are okay being with a fellow outcast.