I want to understand how to talk to people. I say and do things based on data I am given. I think of one set of input as a logical need for output. One thing happens to me, and that means I do this. That is how I understand basic human interaction. I can empathize and conjecture, however only on an abstract level. In any given action someone does I can only think of as this means that.
The problem is when I confuse inputs when I think someone is doing or saying one thing and they are doing another. The was a girl how said one thing to me then she seemed to say the exact opposite. I went with what I thought she was saying louder. I thought she was trying to flirt with me. I thought she was trying to get close to me. She was physically rubbing up on me and pushing on me. That is how it seemed. I do not believe in graphic sexual descriptions online. The point is that as far as I was aware we were reciprocating each other’s actions. I fear that I was completely wrong. (Note that as son as consent was removed. Stoped.) I fear that I hurt someone. I want that person to know that I hurt me. I want her and you all to know that all I want is to share a meaning time with someone. I wish that I could understand how most people walk into a situation like talking to people about stuff other than abstract ideas and pull it off. I wish that I knew why people do what the do in any given normal situation. I want to understand how the heck, what looks like one social situation is something completely different. I wish I knew why people make nonverbal signals that look just like the exact opposite of what they mean. I want to understand why. I do not blame others for my lack of understanding. I do however feel a need for an open and transparent conversation about the implications of autism